Expert Opinions

It's not uncommon for us to screen our calls. We do it for a million reasons (not the least of those that we're a scosche anti-social). But there is one call I always have to answer - Braden's school. When I see that number, my heart drops.

As is the case for most parents, calls from school are generally bad news. Someone is sick or sometimes hurt or in trouble. The teacher B has this year (and had over the past summer) sometimes calls just to say, "Braden had a great day!" or "He's really making progress with..." I really enjoy that. But today was not one of those calls.

Last week the two of us had discussed changing the action plan for when B gets aggressive. He'd had two bruises on his arm since the beginning of the school year (that looked an awful lot like thumbprints). Did I think he was being abused? No. Did I think it was acceptable for my child to come home with marks on his body? No. That's kind of the gray area I live in...smack in the middle of irreconcilable truths.

We decided that the children around him who were (at least in theory) not agitated and more easily re-directed should be moved to safety, rather than trying to intervene and remove him from his current spot. Today he decided to give his teacher a run for her money in the first full week of implementing the plan. Why? Because he had to come in from recess.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure of a 'tism meltdown, think toddler on steroids. He managed to kick another student, and that brings us back to student safety. I'm a reasonable woman, and I know that one student's safety can't trump that of the others.

So the million dollar question is what do we do? It's one that I've been asked countless times over the past several years. It's one that I've researched into the wee hours of the morning. It's one that we've thrown best practices at and still not emerged with a viable solution that sticks. It's one that our insurance company spent big bucks on funding crisis stabilization at an inpatient treatment center that took B in for a "5-7 day" stay but sent him home after more than 30 with the expert opinion that "if you agitate his comfort level, you'll get the negative behavior."

Yep, you read it right. So if he's asked to do something he doesn't want to do, or to not do something he wants to, we're out of luck. He's going to get angry and more than likely, he's going to get aggressive. Our Community Mental Health social worker has assured us that many people "have it worse." I'm certain that is true, though I'm not sure what that matters. No one has a good solution for managing his behaviors, and that's incredibly frustrating for all of us.

For now, we decided to go back to removing Braden from the situation by leading him away by the hand instead of using any type of restraint. Is it a solution? Not really. At least it buys me time in between phone calls.